A new Balance...

It is long, my reading list. My list of things to find new homes for is even longer. I have four months left. Four months to read 25 books and write 25 corresponding papers. Four months to say goodbye to everyone and everything I've ever known. Four months to work an office job. Four months to enjoy my family. Four months to prepare my heart.

This calls for a new balance.


No, I'm not talking about tennis shoes (although I do need a new pair of those), I'm talking about a shift in priorities. The priorities of yesterday are no longer priorities today. And the priorites of tomorrow are yet to be determined.


As ironic as this is, although I have a new focus, one of my biggest struggles is maintaining proper perspective. It is so easy to be distracted.

In all of the hub-bub that goes along with an overseas move, a new experience, a fulfilled dream, it is very easy to lose the ultimate goal. Loving Jesus with all I am. Telling the world about Him.
I find myself getting so caught up in preparing, answering questions, reading, dreaming..... I forget very important things, like gratitude, and sharing, and finding the Secret Place of the Most High God.
I want to run well, and finish strong. To give Christ my ALL. And I do not want anything to stand out in my life, more than my love for The One who first loved me.



Yet it is hard to keep my eyes on only Jesus.


My heart and my time are easily drawn to other things.


So this is a true confession. And with this confession, I am opening myself up to accountability. I am choosing vulnerability. It is my prayer that every day I grow more in my walk with God. But also, that I help others to grow. My heart request is that I may dwell in His house, sit at His feet, and find His secret place today.

I'll Fly Away...

So.

It's official.

Yesterday I called my travel agent and booked a flight.
This morning, I booked my train ticket.

And so, the scurry of an international move begins. Visa applications, immunizations, liquidations, downsize-ations.... This list is so long!

The other day, I packed my first box.


Things I need to keep, but I won't be using for the next two years.

It's like packing up little pieces of my life.


Putting what I know in boxes, and storing it for two years. Letting go of the things that are familiar to me. Knowing that when I come back, I will see it all through different eyes.


But mostly, I'm getting rid of my possessions. There is a perpetual pile in the corner of my room. A pile of things just waiting for a new owner.

This time of transition is causing me to ponder things.

The term New Life is taking on a different meaning.

Forsaking all is becoming more real to me.

It is good.

Seasons of change take us out of our monotony, and cause us to need God. They put a new lens on our view of the world. And we begin to understand.

I understand how much I DON'T understand. Because this whole life is supposed to be a season of transition. Between temporary and eternal, physical and spiritual, darkness and light, death and life. Experiencing transition helps us to realize some of these bigger-picture truths.

My prayer is that God uses this season to draw me closer to Himself. To teach me to live with an awareness of eternity. I pray that I'll learn to understand more fully what my mindset is, versus what it should be. That I'll prepare for eternity with vigor. That I live ready.

And so, the countdown begins. My tickets are purchased, the time is short. It is only a matter of 4.38 months before I'll fly away. To my new home. And someday God will call me out of this life of transition to another new home. And I'll fly away.

The Big little Things...

I have titled this post with a complete contradiction. This is an anomaly which I often stop to ponder. Allow me to explain.

I believe my God does BIG things. He is a mountain moving, storm calming, dead raising, universe creating God. Those things, when I stop to think about them, are awesome and powerful. It is beyond my comprehension. When I try to understand God's magnitude through these things, I am forced to my knees.

Because God is BIG.

Now I also believe my God does little things. His is a soft speaking, day brightening, need meeting, desire granting God. These things, when I try to wrap my mind around them, are sometimes more difficult to understand than the BIG things. When I try to understand God, the God of the little things, through my understanding of my BIG God, I am awed by His love.

Who else has this love?

How do we understand a God who orchestrates a universe, and yet cares to hear about our bad day? I want to tell you a few stories.


Pocket Change

This is a story about a God who cares about answered prayer. I mentioned (see previous post) that I'd totaled my car recently. Well, following the accident, I asked God to allow me to at least break even with towing expenses. I knew that the tires on my car were good, and scrap prices were high, so I was pretty sure I could cover tow fees, and come out even, or a little ahead. Well, long story short, my tow company wasn't very accommodating or honest with me. So I contacted a junk yard. They agreed to pay me $245 for my totaled car. When I called the tow company, they expected to charge me $248.16. I was so thankful. I felt that $3.16 was not too bad.... pretty close to breaking even, actually.

But God was not through.

When I showed up to pay my bill and sign my title over to the junk yard, the lady calculated my bill at $242.88. Tears came to my eyes as I realized that God had SPECIFICALLY answered my prayer. I made $2.12 on the deal! But I learned so much more.

He cares enough to concern Himself with $5.28.



All My Needs


God has promised to meet All my needs according to His riches in glory. As I've been preparing for my journey to The Philippines, I've been trusting Him to do just that. One day, I posted on facebook, looking to crowdsource my research on e-readers. I was leaning toward purchasing a Kindle, but I wanted some input. Within a few hours, someone texted me and offered to GIVE me a Kindle Touch. Through this kind friend, God chose to meet my need. He knew what I needed, and put it on someones heart to meet that need. Because God cares about details.


I want to call these things The BIG little Things. It is the very little-ness of these things that makes them BIG. Because a BIG God humbled Himself enough to care about little things, and the little people they concern. It is things like this that make me so happy to give my little life to my BIG God. It is things like this that humble me, and stand as a testimony to the faithfulness of my BIG God.

A Narrowing focus...

The Nations.



It was so broad.


I have loved having a broad focus, and feeling that the world is my home.


... and yet, I've longed for a place. A people I could learn to love, a place I could learn to give.


An outlet for all the passion and compassion.



A place for learning and growing, teaching and maturing, and a place to tangibly show the love of Christ to others. A place to apply all of the love that God has created in me.



I have been practicing many of these lessons here, in the states, with the opportunities God has allowed me. But now it is time. He is moving me out. He has graciously chosen to use me.



And so, my focus is changing. It is shifting from this:




To This:

God has graciously opened a door for me to work in the Philippines. I will be doing missions while training to do missions. The people we serve will be diverse, as will their needs. But each will have two things in common: The need for a midwife, and more importantly, the need for a Saviour. It will be my utmost privilege to serve these women in meeting both needs. I am so excited to join the work that God is doing in this land. My joy is overrunning when I think that I will be reaching the lost, as part of a daily choice, sacrifice, and responsibility. To God be the Glory!

Just an Innocent Monday....

It started as an ordinary Monday. Wake up, grab a quick breakfast, out the door to work. I pray on my way into work, prepping for my day. Traffic is heavy and I am running late. The new construction zone on the freeway ISN'T helping. All at once, traffic comes to a sudden stop. I come to a sudden stop. The squeal that means my breaks are locked.... and yet, I can't stop. The simultaneous bang of bumper against bumper, the explosion as two airbags go off near my face, and the sickening, lurching CRUNCH that was my car. In that split second, my lifestyle changed.

In the seconds that followed, 1027.43 thoughts went through my mind.

"I'm ok"

"It's totaled"

"God, you give, and you take away, blessed be your name."

"How will I get to work"

"I should call home"

And I realized my lifestyle would change.

Fast forward about two hours. I am sitting in my desk at work. I need to write an email to cancel my plans for tonight. My email opens and I see I have new messages. Suddenly, my throat constricts and my heart rate doubles as I read the subject line of one. Application Decision. I am trembling as I click the email. Oh great, an attachement.... My breath comes in short gasps now.

loading attachement......

God! I don't know if I can take this in! My silent prayers are a jumble of thoughts and feelings. I skim frantically through the letter.... Dear Melissa......pleased.......congratulations!..formally accepted. And in that split second, my life changed. The emotions, already so near the surface with all that I've already been through today threaten to take control. My hands are literally trembling. I'm going. God! You are so good! I cannot take this all in! It's too much for one day!

In that moment, eight years of waiting and praying became clear. The door was opened, and the next two years of my life are planned. In that moment I saw the cry of my heart filled. "Oh Lord, I ask for the nations."