On Blursings....

I think a lot about blursings. For some, they are called 'mixed blessings'. But I just like to mix the words blessing and curses. I can actually think of a lot of them, and I've really been pondering them lately.

In a culture where every skin-care product has bleach or some whitening agent, where everyone is a yummy, creamy-coffee color, and where the lighter your skin is, the more beautiful you are, you'd think I'd have it made with my pasty little self. Even when Filipinos buy bread, they think whiter is better. Yet it's my blursing for sure.

Certainly it is nice to show up at the bank without ID because your wallet was stolen, and the cashier will still cash your check because you are white. It is nice that the security guards at the mall don't search your bag as much, or that everyone on the Jeepney scoots just a little more for you. And it does make a girl feel special when everyone smiles at her and tells her she's beautiful. The implied sense of trust is useful for sure!


Conversely there are times when the stares drill through you and you wish not to feel like a zoo animal. There are times when you want to be anonymous, and when you'd rather NOT be a 'rich American'. Sometimes you just want to be treated like everyone else and you wish they wouldn't inconvenience themselves for you. There are the times you just want to BELONG, and you know that no matter how well you speak the language, or how much acculturation you experience, you will always be white.


There is the blursing of my height too. At times, I just wish I could climb into a jeepney and sit up straight instead of assuming the slight incline of head, which in a church setting would be associated with prayer. Sometimes I would like to NOT stand a head or more taller than every person in my church. And other times, I can reach things that would require a small ladder for a Filipino to retrieve. I can spot people in the crowd, and I can walk home at night without feeling intimidated.

Facebook blurses me. It seems that I am never too far behind on happenings in the lives of friends and loved ones. The chat feature allows  me to connect with tons of people I love. And the tantalizing hope that someone or something interesting will be on Facebook often lures me away from far more profitable ways of dispensing my time. Pictures sometimes make me miss people desperately, and sad news must be dealt with alone, not absorbed with the aid of a loving friend.


Food is another big one. It is wonderful to try new flavors, parts of various creatures you never before imagined ingesting, and rice Rice RICE!!! It is excellent to be able to order rice in a small, burger-sized patty from the local fast food place. And yet, sometimes I really miss cheese. Pizza just isn't the same without it! Every once in a while, I want something peppermint, or a familiar salad dressing. And sometimes a bowl of cereal, or custard, or good bacon would be a welcome treat.



Finally there is the blursing of singleness. Yes, I just went there. I have been so thankful that I do not have a husband or children during this phase of my life, because I see how difficult it would be to balance out a family and the rigorous schedule of my current life. I am glad that I can run off and pray for people in the local hospital, or stay out late studying and never think of tucking my kiddos into bed. I do not have to watch loved ones struggle to assimilate to strange language and customs. Yet other times, I feel lonely, and even un-supported. I crave  a  relationship with someone who is sharing my experiences and goals, and who is with me for the long-haul. I wish my current marital status was NOT considered a commodity, and that I didn't have to make all my decisions alone. And almost every time I hold a precious new life in my hands, I ask God if He will someday bless me with my own.

Over time, however, I've come to believe that blursings are extremely valuable. They open my eyes to the goodness of God in ways I had not previously experienced. At the same time, they really challenge me to trust His hand of love when things are not going in a way I understand. They allow me to choose thankfulness over a complaining heart, and to feel the sorrows and frustrations of others around me, because I have experience with my own. They challenge my heart to seek God and His kingdom more, and to let the things of this earth grow dim. So on that note...

May God richly blurse you all!