What I Don't Want.....

I don't want to feel alone.
Torn between worlds that cannot understand each other.
Different here, different back..... Home?
And what is that, exactly?
And where?
 
I don't want to live in transition.
Here, but only for a while.
Temporary... I cannot hold on too tightly.
Yet wonderful... I want to embrace it all.
What is normal?

I don't want to seek comfort.
The false security of the familiar.
A slow death as the world passes me by.
Afraid to let go, afraid to change.
Will this hurt?

I don't want to miss opportunity.
Paralyzed by unknowns.
Avoiding commitments laced with uncertainty.
Hesitant to love fully.
What if....?

I don't want to hurt.
But understanding joy is knowing sorrow.
To be stilled in wonder requires humility.
And tangible hope is sometimes defered.
Can I choose?

I don't want to waste my life.
Fear speaking louder than faith.
To let feelings trump purpose.
Too reserved to feel deeply.
How do I surrender?

I don't want to live for me.
My focus diverted from God and His kingdom.
Futile pursuit of fulfillment.
Prioritizing my happiness.
What is that worth?

I don't want to stay the same.
Maybe that is the scarriest of all.
Change is not relaxing.
Real life is a risk.
What is holding me back?