Homecoming Dance....

I leave this country in 8 days. That creates mixed feelings in my heart. I actually have to be completely honest and mention that I'm not really doing a homecoming dance. I feel really torn.... Because as much as I love all my friends and family in the states, this place here is SO RIGHT for me. My heart is settled here, and I love every moment. I really have waves of joy and excitement multiple times per day when I think about how God has placed me here. I grin like a fool often.

This is my life!

 

It's so hard to believe. After 8.5 years of waiting, I have my first 'field assignment'. I feel that every one of my dreams has been handed me on a platter. The words of a song I sang in gospel choir run through my mind. "God Favors Me". My life is unmistakeably directed by a loving author. I feel that God HAS given me the desires of my heart. He has both shaped my desires, and then fulfilled them.

It is incredible.


It is just so impossibly perfect. I was created for this place, and it was created for me. The colors, music, the emotion, the friendliness.... I love every minute of it. It is like living in a musical. It's ok to sing and dance at any emotion, in any location. So clearly, I fit in perfectly. It is ok to wear bright clothing and bright lipstick. It is ok to laugh often and uproariously. It is ok to be openly affectionate with friends and co-workers.

 I love this place.

  I feel that I daily glimpse parts of my future, I regularly see ways in which God has prepared me for this place... All my life. The excitement of being here, and the anticipation of where God will take me next are overwhelming at times. I cannot even comprehend the wonderful things which He has prepared for me. I pinch myself all the time, just trying to realize this whole wonderful thing is true.

But I'm torn.

I have such wonderful people in my old life in the States too. This godly family who all love me so much. A church full of people who love God and inspire me to godliness. A group of friends who stand beside me, pray for me, and send me uplifting messages here on the other side of the world.

I am so blessed.

I look forward to returning to my childhood home, but I have two homes now. I really have a home here as well, and I look forward to returning to this home as well.  To a new place that my heart has found refuge and comfort. A new place my heart has found people to love. A new place where I belong.

I belong.

So yeah, I'm excited to visit the States, but that's exactly what I feel that this is.... a visit. I don't quite feel like I'm coming home. It is a bit confusing to my heart. The reverse culture shock, all the hello's and goodbye's, and the extreme month of transition... it feels a bit daunting. Yet I'm happy. I'm so excited to see all of you. To hug you, to laugh with you, and hear what God is doing with you and in you. It will be a new and different experience for me.

A whole new adventure.