Now what?

I go to seek a great perhaps....

I really like that quote, because it is just what every missionary does. It is not the perhaps of God's sending, or of his ability to remain faithful to those He's sent, but the perhaps of just what, exactly, may come of that single act of obedience. GO.

Perhaps it will result in the saving of many souls, and perhaps it will primarily contribute to the saving of our own. Instead of the images of revivals and church planting that frequented my daydreams, I find myself pitifully pleading God for His continued grace and sustenance. I find a new relevance in the verse that talks about 'working out my salvation with fear and trembling". And I increasingly realize the degree of grace necessary to not only sustain mission workers, but also to produce fruit through them.


Perhaps it will be a clearly marked path, and perhaps we will feel as though we are following God with a blindfold on. "Marco"... "Polo"... "Marco" .... "Polo".... Wait, how did God end up way over there? I was so sure I was following Him when I headed in this direction. But perhaps, if God had made that path clear to me from the beginning, I would've dismissed it. Maybe I would have shrunk away in fear, or maybe I would confidently have stepped out, unaware of my human frailty. So I see His plan is perfect, even when our resultant paths look a little jagged.

These are not my feet

And then there are the times. The times we just have no clue which way our path will next veer. When we feel a bit lost, and excited, and afraid, and eager. It is hide and seek, but we've yet to find. Those crazy moments when we realize that all we have been working toward for weeks, months, or years has been accomplished and we do not yet know our next goal. That panic-y feel when we must recreate our normal.

I find myself in this position over the next few months. I'm seeking a great perhaps. As this season of my life begins to wind down, my heart is dreaming, my feelers are out, and I ask myself... "Now what?" It may be a bit premature, but my heart is seeking a new dream to chase. 5 months from now I will get onto an airplane back to the US, back to a great perhaps. I'm I am asking for the nations, but I'm not sure which one yet.

I am praying for direction. These feet want to go, these hands want to serve, and this heart wants to love. Perhaps God will act quickly in cultivating a new dream in my soul, or perhaps He will lead me into another period of waiting. Either way, I'm determined to be content. Now what? Now I am determined, by the grace of God, to live well no matter what the path before me may be.