Why Not Me?

Why not me?

I have asked this question, or some version of it throughout my life. I think it started as a kid, when I wasn't allowed to do something, or go somewhere. When my older sisters were allowed to do something exceptionally wonderful, or my younger siblings were still young enough to participate in a certain coveted activity

Why not me?

I have asked this question when I watched people I love going through horrible, difficult things, yet my life was untouched. When friends hurt so badly and all I could do was offer my tears, hugs, and support. And when I faced situations to which there was no good answer.

Why not me?

I have asked this question when I watched other follow their dreams, travel the world, and share the gospel while I sat at home, learning to be content with local ministry. When I had unfulfilled longings and desires that seemed so good to me.

Why not me?

I have asked this question when I saw someone blessed, but not content with their blessings. When friends despised their life situations I craved so badly, and when my blessings would have been their desire.

Why not me?

I have asked this question when I read scriptures about people doing miracles, seeing God's power, and saving souls. When my life didn't display the power I see promised in the Word, and when I had compassion for people whose lives I wanted to impact.

Why not me?

I have asked this question in my prayers and journals as I seek God to use me in bigger, bolder, and more impacting ways. When I knew there was more and I wanted it. When I wanted healing hands and supernatural words for others.

Why not me?

Now it is a prayer, an anguished plea, a hungering desire. God, I see all this lack, pain, and darkness in the world. I see souls who need Jesus. I see heartache and bitterness and hopelessness. Who will go? Who will love them? Who will tell them about Jesus? Who will bind up their wounds and bring the salve of love to their broken souls? Who will set the captives free?

Why not me?