On Feelings....

I feel distant.
Maybe that's because I live on the opposite side of the world from people and places I've considered home. But mostly it's not the physical things that make me feel distant. Its emotional things. Things like the fact that my sister is engaged to marry a man I barely know. That my nephew is almost 1, and I've only met him once. Maybe its things like engagement announcements, weddings, funerals, and big moments that I sometimes don't even know about for days or weeks after the fact.

I feel loved.
Some of you have really made an effort to stay in touch. I do understand the effort that requires. Thank you. Letters and cards are precious here, and packages an even more rare treat! I feel loved when God has chosen to provide my needs through you. I feel loved by random emails, and an occasional chat on Facebook. And I am told by family members that people ask about me and pray for me, and my heart is warmed.


I feel overwhelmed.
As I study and read, as I learn everything I can about babies and mothers and midwifery, I feel overwhelmed by the miracle that is birth. I feel amazed that it ever goes well, and that so many perfect babies are born when so much can go wrong. I feel overwhelmed by assignments and work and lack of sleep.I feel overwhelmed by the possibilities that open to me, and the decisions I have to make. And I feel overwhelmed in trying to figure out the practical and financial aspects of it all.

The roasted wedding pig

 I feel hopeful.
As I entertain the idea of various possibilities for my future, I feel hopeful and excited. Yes, there is some mixture in those feelings, but my overwhelming sentiment is hopefulness. I am hopeful that these next few months will be filled with adventure, excitement, and meaningful connections with people I love here. My hope is that I can wrap up my time here well.

I feel privileged.
I've become the Godmother of this little sweetie, and the midwife to about 70 others, and I feel the immense joy of that. I feel honored that God has given me this amazing opportunity to serve in this amazing culture and ministry. The people I've met here are quality individuals, many of whom really love the Lord. This is a huge joy to my heart. And I frequently participate in miracles and watch God's creative power at work.

I feel curious.
I know it may seem early to think about next steps, but the truth is, in just 3 short months, I'll be needing to take those steps. I feel curious as to what God is preparing next for me. I wonder what connections He has for me, and what country will be my next stop. I wonder why He has graciously chosen me, and what the next few years may look like. Reverse culture shock intrigues (and frightens) me a bit. I'm curious how God may choose to work in and through me as I continue to submit myself to His all-knowing plan.
Enough feelings for you? Let me know what you guys are feeling..... It'll make me feel less distant.