To The One Who is Struggling...

To The One Who is Struggling,

I don't know what it is that leads you to read this letter, but we all have struggles. There is no such thing as a silly, or insignificant struggle. Sometimes the 'little things' destroy us faster than the big ones. I want to offer you encouragement. You may be the main cause of your own struggle, or it may be someone or something else. That doesn't really matter. It's real, and it needs to be faced.

They will try to tell you that it could be worse.... and they're right. But it could be better too. And while we must focus on thankfulness, it is also important to face our difficulties, not to stuff them. Think and pray through your struggle. Take responsibility for what you can change. If you cannot change it, let it go. Put it in the hands of the loving Heavenly Father and let it go. It is not necessarily dis-contentment to realize that whatever you're going through isn't ideal. Sometimes that's really healthy.

They might not even recognize that you are struggling. It's ok to let them know. In fact, it may be the very strongest thing you could ever do. It takes courage to admit that you're not ok, and that you need somebody to lean on. That is being vulnerable, but you may actually be giving your friend a gift..... the gift of going second. It is always hardest to be the first to admit your weaknesses. Offer them a chance to be used by God to speak into your life. It will be good for them, and good for you. Do it.

They will tell you it's just part of life. Loneliness, sorrow, an unclear life path, a bad mood, the perpetual cycle of besetting sin, hurt from others, disappointment with yourself..... And it is. But guess what. Life is hard. We're not supposed to do this by ourselves. That is the purpose of the church, the Holy Spirit, and scripture. It may be 'normal life', but we cannot even do that by ourselves. It's ok to have a hard time, even with standard struggles. We're humans in a fallen world. Don't let yourself become isolated in struggles because they feel too small to share. Chances are, the person you share with will have some experience with the very same things you're going through and some godly wisdom to offer.

They will tell you to find yourself so you can help others. I cannot possibly think of a worse piece of advice. If you are struggling, most often the best thing you can do is to reach out to someone else. Not only will you find joy in service, but you will take the focus off of yourself and your problems for a while. The struggles of others will force you to cry out to God for answers, and in the process, you may find some for yourself. You will form your character into a more Christ-like image in the process, and maybe, just maybe you will come to a more full understanding of the gospel.

They will tell you to hang on for a while.... life will get better. There is no assurance of this. Struggles do tend to ease as we become familiar with how to approach them. But sometimes they stack up all at once, and things seem only to get worse. Sometimes, when we struggle, we're really in it for the long haul. They will give you the same three commonly-quoted, generic, "trials" verses. Sometimes the attempted comfort just makes things worse. It intensifies the isolation as people try to put a band-aid on a ruptured appendix instead of finding the problem and going through the whole mess with you. Know that it may take a while. There may be no quick-fix, but sometimes it's ok to be broken. Humans want to fix things, but God accepts us broken. Sometimes, these periods of prolonged darkness are the times that we most come to know God. Because He's all we have.

They will try to place blame. Sometimes that feels like the easiest thing for anyone to do. It's how we understand things for which there is no explanation. Whether the finger is pointed at you or elsewhere, please remember, it's mostly an exercise in futility. No matter what your struggle is, the gracious Father has allowed it for a purpose, and without exception there is some construction project that needs to be done in your heart. Beg God to show you. No matter how innocent you are, there is always something to be learned. A wise man will seek for that project and submit fully to it.

You will most likely feel the need to beat yourself up. You will feel like you are not growing anymore, you're just surviving. You may not even feel like you're doing that. Please, this is not the time to evaluate that. Visibility in a storm is not usually very good. Hang on to the basic truths. Trust that God is responsible for your growth, and you are responsible for clinging to him, and submitting yourself to his strong, shaping hands. Continue to make wise choices such as worship, the word, fellowship, and prayer, but don't be so presumptuous as to think you have that much control.

To the one who is struggling: I cannot promise you relief. I cannot prophecy the duration of your struggle. I cannot take away the troubles you face. But I can offer you wisdom and hope. Hope that life is short, and eternity is long. That joy and suffering are not mutually exclusive. That God does indeed know what He's doing. He is the one who tells storms to be still. That at some point, He will make all things beautiful.... But that will be in His time. Until then, let go of everything but God and hold tightly to His truth.

May your day be filled with peace and joy in knowing that He is in control, so you don't have to be.
Love,
Missowissa

It Took my Breath Away...

It took my breath away...

Almost everything last night did. It started with my assisting a birth for a friend. Pretty straight-forward at birth. Everything seemed normal. But then with every check she just kept bleeding. I inserted an IV for her. And suddenly, with one check, a blood clot that was a half liter, and we couldn't get her uterus to clamp down and stop. I found myself inserting a second IV, this time with a bit more urgency.


It took my breath away...

 Another friend and I were both caring for women who were about to give birth. The sudden splash of fluid in each of our cubicles, and the excitement of both laboring women beginning to push their babies out. The thrill when they were born within two minutes of each other, and the little newborn wails filled the room. The beautiful moment when the mother I was caring for reached out and helped deliver her own baby
then held her close. She stroked the baby and told her she was welcome and to cry.

It took my breath away...

When my patient started bleeding, and I could not coax the placenta to come. The time limit was approaching and still it persisted. Prayers went up, and answers came down. An IV, a bit of persuasion, and some hard work on the mother's part and finally the placenta arrived. Minutes later, I started an IV on my friend's patient in response to yet another hemorrhage.

It took my breath away...

Before I had time to turn around twice, two more women were giving birth. The baby I was watching over was  relaxed about his first breath Again, gushing, gushing blood. Again voices lifting requests to the kind God who was graciously granting those requests. Again an emergency IV and a bit of coaxing to get the placenta out.

It took my breath away...

Overhearing complications from the next cubicle over, and knowing we were caring for 4 vulnerable women. Then the power went out. Trying to catch up, finish up, wrap up everything so we could endorse to day shift. Watching wide eyed as two more laboring women walked in the door. Listening as one gave birth before we were even able to hand over the shift.

It took my breath away... 

I dragged my weary body up two flights of stairs to my house. A few bites of food satiated my piercing hunger pains. I drank some water. Then, just before I climbed into bed, I wash away all the evidence of my busy night in a cold, cold shower....

...It took my breath away.

Of a Sudden....

It came to me of a sudden....

I am not who I want to be. I am not good. I am not noble. I am not
a self-sacrificing, humble, diligent, wonderful person. I am not fearless. I am not sinless.

In me there is no good thing....

After a busy week of work, learning, late nights, and coffee, I was living on the spiritual energy of weeks past. My times of devotion were motivated from habit and discipline rather than from passion and love. Again my depravity slapped me in the face. My priorities took a nosedive and my choices became sickeningly self-centered.

I cannot do what seems right...

I find myself making choices that do not live up to my standards. I discern in my voice and actions attitudes that I despise. Entertainment becomes a substitute for godly joy. Somehow, just as physical hunger pains vanish after three days without food, godly appetites tend to disintegrate on about the same schedule.

Shifting perspectives creep up on me....

Suddenly, without my knowledge, I'm looking through life's binoculars the wrong way. Everyone and everything that should be important seem distant, and at once, I find that I am the biggest thing in my life. My own self is so grossly out of proportion that I find it frightening.

The realization overcomes me....

I'm humbled. Astounded. Once again caught off guard by this sinful, human heart that cannot, of itself, seek God. Shattered. Realizing again the critical role that sustaining grace plays in every moment of my life. Incredulous. Trying to comprehend the sort of love that sustains a relationship which, if viewed honestly, consists of one Great God giving, and one lowly human taking. There is no balance in this relationship. No give and take. All giving and initiating from one side, all responding and receiving from the other.

And yet He persists.

On Kisses and Faces....

 I have kissed a lot of faces. Chubby faces, crying faces, sleepy faces.

Some are more impressed than others. Sweet miniature human beings.

Such fascinating little beings.... making all sorts of interesting faces. Happy faces, surprised faces, hungry faces.

















They teach me to make new faces. Early mornings, late nights, trying out our facial muscles.













Sometimes we're in the same mood and we have the same taste in colorful clothing.

Other times we're peaceful, both just happy to be alright.