Like Chocolate....

Life is like chocolate. It is the combination of the sweet and the bitter that makes the experience so rich.

Life is like Iced tea. Ya brew it hot, serve it cold. Put lemon in for sour, and a pinch of sugar for sweet. The contradictions are what provide the interest.

Life is like curly hair. It does it's own thing. Deal with it.

Life is like reading pig Latin. It's confusing, but the meaning is there if you take the time to figure it out.

Life is like gardening. It's a lot of work, but totally worth it.

Life is like an embarrassing moment. You can choose to laugh, or you can choose to cry.

Life is like a big hug from a friend. You gotta love it!

On 'The Process'....

So I've been thinking.
Trying to process through the idea that in 3.5 months, I will leave everyone and everything I've ever known. Understanding that EVERY relationship in my life will unavoidably experience a major shift. Yet being comforted in the fact that my God never changes.

I've been grieving.

Grieving the relationships I will not be able to maintain. Feeling so torn: Between violently pursuing my friendships and creating hundreds of memories to take with me. And also not wanting to feel closer to anyone.... because it will hurt to let go. Praying for courage to wisely invest in my relationships, and to love in spite of how it will hurt.

I've been Understanding.
Facing the serious illness of two grandparents. The impending marriages of several friends. Rejoicing with the news my friends' of growing families. And Understanding. Life will never be the same. There will be no 'normal' to return to.

I've been cherishing.
Cherishing afternoons like this. Because this is a unique time in my life. A time I cannot recreate.

Cherishing this family that has been faithful to God. These amazing people that have taught me so much about living and loving. So much about God.Cherishing this sister of mine. Who has found a way to be one of my closest friends, in spite of how different we are. An amazing woman of God who has been one of the biggest supporters of this new adventure.

And realizing how blessed I am.

There is a lump in my throat as I type this. Because the word 'goodbye' is starting to have a new meaning for me.

So there you have it: True confessions from a missionary-to-be. A heart torn between the beauty and excitement of throwing itself into this amazing calling, and the pain and grief of all that will be sacrificed as a result. A heart struggling to understand how love can pull it in so many directions at once.

On Strength and Weakness...

We are weak, but He is strong!
Since I was a little child I've known the words to this simple child's melody. And yet, it is only now, in my adult life that I've begun to understand them. You see..... I have a problem.
There, it's out.
I have a problem. A weakness, really. And I have a sneaky suspicion that I'm not the only one.
You see, this problem has to do with weakness. Yet it's not weakness itself that is the issue. Rather, it is my failure to acknowledge that weakness.
God has created me as a human. I have human abilities and human limitations. And part of the reason He gave these to me is so I would realize how much I need Him. But my goal is so much different than His. Instead of understanding the mercy of the human limitations He's allowed, I seek to hide them. To conquer them. To ignore them. I feel that strength is the lack of weakness.
But maybe that's not true.
Maybe strength is recognizing my need. Maybe Strength is dependence.
Because His strength is perfected in our weakness!
I must learn to let go. To let go of pride, which keeps me from depending. To give up self-sufficiency for God-sufficiency. I must learn that without Him, I am nothing. And when I am empty, He can use me. I am learning that admitting weakness is a form of strength.

So I'm learning this new type of strength. The type that allows God and others to help meet my needs. The type that admits those needs in the first place. The type that realizes I cannot do this myself.

Another Beginning....

I teared up in the wee hours of Thursday morning as I heard that first gasping cry. The little one who we'd anticipated these last few weeks. It was another new beginning. And as I held that precious new baby boy, I couldn't help but think:

This will be my new life.

Welcoming life into the world. Each unique human with a unique purpose. Each carefully and miraculously created life. And I couldn't help but thank God once more, that He has chosen to include me in this process.
Called me.
When I had no ambition of my own.
I remember tearing up as I heard the first gasping cries of another new life. Words, uttered in Mandarin, heart cries from a life just being re-born. It was a new beginning. And as I hugged my rejoicing friend, I remember thinking:

Thank you God! For the privilege of playing a role in this new birth.

Welcoming life into the Kingdom. Each unique human with a unique purpose. Each carefully and miraculously saved life. And I couldn't help but thank God once more, that He has chosen to include me in this process. When I had no ambition of my own.

It is only more recently I've so clearly begun to see the connection. Because here also, God has called me. To help bring new life into the world. And I am thankful.
He has given me a dual mandate regarding birth. One that touches the physical, and another, the spiritual. But both will touch the eternal.