Every Breath...

Were the whole realm of nature mine, that were an offering far too small. Love so amazing, so divine, demands my life my soul my all.

I'm learning about worship. I believe that trees and bumble bees and grapefruit and cumulonimbus clouds can bring glory to God and proclaim His majesty. Why do I think that the things I daily do are somehow different... less... insignificant? On the one hand, they are because they are acts and creations of a creature, not the creator. But on the other hand, goodness! What majesty that a created thing could turn and willingly give back, as an act of worship, every emanation of life whether intentional or consequential! That God could so grip and enable the fickle heart of man that breath itself could be praise!

How would my spiritual perspective change if I truly believed I could live out every single aspect of my day to please God?

What if I could believe that weeding my herb garden could be worship the same way I believe singing hymns can be?

What if I saw His glory, not just in tadpoles and archipelagos, but in the creative abilities and discernment He put in me?

What if I really believed that I was a masterpiece, rather than a rehabilitation project?

What would change in my life if I saw the mind of Christ in me (the hope of glory)?

How would I live differently if I saw soul work as equal to/more important than physical or mental work?

Living a life of full-time worship is a giving over of everything. Giving everything might mean letting go of my categories. It might mean living out the image of Christ, the works of Christ, and the life of Christ while brushing my teeth, walking to class, or melting plastic over a fire to repair my water jug. It might mean learning to see worship in the welcoming of a neighbor at an inconvenient time, or in closing my eyes for a few moments' rest mid-afternoon.

Why do I categorize? What is it in me that sees some things as mundane and others as holy? Is not God the creator of all things? As a spiritual being with a physical body, is it possible that washing my hair or hanging a mosquito net could be as spiritual as listening to a sermon or sharing the gospel? Can I pretend that I steward this gift of life properly if I cannot curate well mind, body, and soul alike?

Possibly, nearly any life incident describable by a verb could also be described as worship, when properly executed. Possibly the interconnectivity of mind, soul, and spirit relates to an association between the out workings of these unique parts. Maybe neglect of one aspect is neglect of all, and nurture of one is nurturing to all. Maybe I'm finally putting some practical application to the profoundly simple words, "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God."

I don't want a lamb to pee on my cereal and 7 other things I never thought I'd say...

Should I buy some green meat today at the market?

I'm not feeling so well, but don't worry, I think it's just food poisoning.

I can't do class at the normal time tomorrow, I'll be at a circumcision party

Please don't drink gasoline, it won't cure your stomach ache.

I didn't even wake up when the hyena ate a donkey about 30 yards from my tent.

No thanks, I'd rather you didn't slice my skin with a razor blade to help my wound heal.

Oh look! We got some kidney as an appetizer!

I think my life is about the biggest and most wonderful adventure a girl could ask for. A few months back, while I was in the capital, I realized that I had spoken 3 languages, purchased a watermelon, and negotiated for and ridden a motorcycle all before 7 am. To all who know me well, you know that adventure and I have a magnetic attraction. You know that I have dreamed most of my life of living far away and learning language and culture not my own. I'm living the dream.
   Sometimes, I look at one of my housemates and just express awe at where we live and what we do. I'm aware of the rare privilege I experience on a daily basis of learning the beautiful intricacies of a new culture and language: of traveling to places few others have seen or experienced: of finding myself stretched so far that God is really the only place left to turn. I remind myself that dreams really do come true.

But dreams are often vague and fuzzy. They don't always include the daily details like killing cockroaches in the bathroom at 3 am, and nearly fainting of heat exhaustion while grocery shopping. They don't detail the exhaustion of explaining 8 times in one day that you are single and childless in a culture where childlessness is a shame, and a woman's identity is her husband and children. They don't highlight that language leaning is lonely, because you cannot express yourself well in the language you're learning, and even your heart language skills begin to decline.

Someone once told me that God usually only gives us the next step of obedience because if he showed us the whole picture, we'd say 'no'. Maybe that's true. Maybe if you'd told me 10 years ago that I'd be on the verge of my 32nd birthday, living in the far-off desert regions of Africa, single, childless, halfway through my 3rd consecutive year of language learning, dealing with sickness almost weekly, and not making any significant strides toward changing the world, maybe I would have said 'no'. Maybe if I'd known how hard it is to deal with grief, loss, and tragedy from afar, and how much effort goes into maintaining long distance relationships with all but 7 people in your life I'd have shied from the challenge. But today, knowing the other side of things, I can still maintain that I'm living the dream. It's taking more grace and grit than I could've predicted, and the details are significantly different than those I would have included, but it still thrills my heart to imagine what God has in store next. Whether this journey of mine ever has much impact on the people around me, I see ways God has changed me which make everything worth it. I'm learning things about trust that I could have learned in no other way. I guess I'll continue to dream big, and then hang on for the ride!