How Do I.....

Hi, I'm 27, and I'm not fully grown. Nope, I don't have lots of physical growing to do, I have a list of things I'd like to learn. Wisdom doesn't grow on trees, but it does grow in the hearts of those who submit to and fear God. So I'll just make this an open discussion.

How do I go about becoming fully consecrated to God?

Yeah, pray more, read more, spend time with God.... but at what point does full consecration occur? I mean, we still really live in this world, and some of our thoughts and actions will necessarily facilitate basic survival. We are also called to reach the lost, which obviously necessitates a lot of time spent pursuing them. Also, God created many things for us to 'richly enjoy'. He created smiles and laughter and recreation. He designed our bodies to need rest. My mind doesn't have a good grasp on an accurate balance for this conundrum.

How do I change the world?

Some of you will automatically say that changing the world is a human-centered goal. But I'm pretty sure Jesus did it, and I'm supposed to be like Him. Where to start? What to do? I see plenty of needs, plenty of opportunities, and I have some ability to respond. But what is right? Is there really one specific set of actions that is designated exactly for me, or should I look for need and go work where I see God working? I'm a bit afraid to take hasty action, but I may be more afraid of doing nothing at all for fear of doing the wrong thing. Again and again Jesus 'was moved with compassion' and then acted. That is the main thing we're told of His prompting. Compassion alone offers a pretty broad spectrum of ministry opportunities. How does vision become focused?

How do I go about making and keeping good priorities?

To put others first seems to be a good priority until the moment you realize that in so doing, you've reduced your devotion time to a chore. On some level, serving is LIVING the heart of Jesus and I have found it to be a very real way of worshiping God and understanding His grace toward me. Yet at some indistinguishable junction I seem to cross this invisible line between sacred worship/sacrifice and distracting busyness. Inevitably, the less of Him you have, the less you have to share.

How do I feel the weight of compassion without being crushed to pieces by the sorrow all around me?

I long to empathize with people and to help bear their pain. The ugly side of pain is that each of us has about as much as we can handle. To take on that of another can be crushing. Also, there is no use in a person who is completely immobilized by the crushing weight of sorrow. How old will I be before I finally learn the balance between feeling enough and feeling too much? How much grace is required to lift someone up and take part of their burden simultaneously? At what point have you done all you can, and when is it necessary to become refreshed in your own heart? Can anyone actually give me practical advice on what it means to 'Cast my care upon the Lord"? 

How do I release others from expectations?

I would love to believe that I am strong and wise and not one bit petty. The ugly truth, however, is that I still have some very immature emotions and expectations of those in my life. Somehow, even from the other side of the world, I still manage to feel entitled to a certain level of friendship. I feel hurt over things that are unintentional, and I have unrealistic expectations of friends and family. How do I stay close to people, offer them all of who I am, and still release them from expectations? How do I adjust to a long distance relationship with every person who has been any significant part of my life?

How do I balance faith and action?

Why are some types of action considered compatible with faith, and others are viewed as its antithesis? Why is it alright to work as a means of providing for yourself, but not to make needs known when paying work is not an option? Why is the admission of unfulfilled desires akin to a statement of faithlessness? Where is the balance between relying on God for the future and proper stewardship of all He's given us? Is it possible that this balance is delicate, situational, and personal? Could God really be pleased by different combinations from different people at different times?

As you can see, I have a lot of growing up to do. I lack answers to most of my questions, and I question the answers I do have. At times I feel closer to God now that I don't know completely what I believe than I ever did when I thought I had it figured out. Possibly this is just where He wants me.... depending.

On Retrieving Peanuts....

We needed peanuts the other day. A group of mothers-to-be was having a special class at our clinic, and part of the snack was to be peanuts. Looking through the list of ladies I was hosting the class with, I realized that one of the married students was on the list.... or so I thought. She owns a car, so the task of going someplace to purchase said peanuts was presumably a simpler feat for her than for any of the rest of the group. Assuming that she would also have peanuts on the brain, I sent her a text.

Hey, do you by any chance have any thoughts about retrieving peanuts?

This fair lady, (who was actually not in the same group as me) surmising I was referring to our upcoming shift together, responded:

Hey Melissa, I am still in the catching rotation, if that's what you mean.

Much laughter after we came to a mutual understanding of our respective interpretations of the texts. We now have a new euphemism for catching babies.... retrieving peanuts. Doesn't that just put things nicely?

 I shall proceed to assail you with pictures of food and babies, both of which seem uniquely suited to putting smiles on the faces of even the most sober of human beings. To the right of your screen you should notice a plate of Indian food, a side of Naan, and a plate of burning-incense-gone-wrong. It was an exciting dinner, the fire in our mouths closely coordinating with that of our centerpiece. The climax happened to be when the incense plate cracked, and the fire needed to be dramatically swept from the table and relocated outside in the drizzle.
 
Now, you may look at the picture on the left and ask yourself, "Where did Melissa get that fabulous blue, sparkly headband?" If that is the question you find yourself asking, I'll just take this moment to give a shout out to the Privett family for blessing me with a little care package. It arrived two days ago, and delighted this heart of mine.
 
This child is named Jags Christ. I do not find that I particularly endorse the name, but as a midwife, I do not always have a say in such matters. He is my first baby of the new year, born on the anniversary of my own sister's birth. Although his arrival does thrill me, the circumstances do not. His father has turned out to be a depressed, drug addicted, wife beater. He and the mother are no longer together. Little Jags has an older brother and sister to help take care of him.

While Jags was on his way out, his mother and I really bonded. She was so broken, not surprisingly, and needed a bit of extra tender love during her labor. After the birth, she asked me why I was kind to her. I was able to plant a tiny seed about the kindness of God, and how it reflects in His people. Please, dear ones, pray that her heart will be open to further cultivation of the love of her heavenly Father in the weeks to come.

 To the left of your screen you should notice some nearly indescribable cuteness. This fellow was not my catch, although I did play a huge role in his birth. I also played a role in his naming. Jack Derek shall forever be his handle. A very sweet little tyke, he cooperated extraordinarily well for his photo shoot.




Finally, a bit of laughter to wrap up this post. This child and I were mutually enamored with one another. Mother found herself amused as we spent a few moments in shared laughter. It appears that she is very weird and laughs at strange things, much like her midwife. The little doll was uberly precious, and I have not the slightest doubt that she is already developing a nerdy, off-beat sense of humor and general good-natured perspective on the world.

Alright folks. All for now! Over and out.