My Only Desire...

My only desire is to bring Him praise.

This is what I sing. It is what I tell myself, and it is what I tell Him. I wish to believe this about myself. I wish it to be true.

But it isn't true.

When I'm perfectly honest with myself, I see that I have so many desires. Many of them fall in categories like "good", "noble", or  "harmless". And to be perfectly honest, many also fall into categories like "selfish", "prideful", or "fleshly". My lips sing that I want nothing more than to know Him, but my actions tell a different story.

I want pure motives.

Honestly, though, I have a hard time knowing where the boundary is. Sometimes I want things, but I'm really not sure why. Is it because it sounds exciting or fun? Is it because I know it is the heart of God? Is it because I will be well esteemed for making that choice? Is it so others will know God? Is it a desire due to the changes God has worked in my heart?

Oh God! Search my heart!

  How often am I telling myself God is my everything, but when I evaluate my desires, I realize that so many of them are only my own.I don't even know the difference. And I know, that even if I start something with good motives, my heart can be swayed. So again and again I ask God to purify my heart. To give me clean hands, and a right spirit.

Do I love the work of God?

Sometimes I catch myself being interested in someone because they are interesting. I find myself taking time to know someone because  they have a tragic story, or an interesting life. But do I care about their souls? Is that my motive? I realize again and again how human I am. How incapable I am of doing good, apart from God.

How much I NEED Him.

I realize that the more I make God my only desire, the more I will have to give to others. The sooner I crucify my flesh, the more the life of Christ will be evident and desirable in my life. The more God directs my passions, the sooner my motives will be corrected, and my heart set straight. And so I sing again....

Be my Only Desire.